Did you ever think how would you react if your child would announce that he or she is gay? Before you will even start thinking about it, consider what sort of words, gestures, and facial expression you’re having when talking or listening to homosexual people. Going one step farther – look closer and try to guess what your child can see or hear. Let’s assume that your child is right now seventeen and made a call to tell you how she/he is feeling, what are her/his feelings. Different sexual orientation. Did you manage to prepare yourself for that?
Three years ago I had a conversation with some friends of mine about kids, future, choices and raising children. They notice one thing I said and gave me a hard time because of it. When we were joking about Maks and Livia plans for future, their characters I said: “I am wondering what sort of person will be Livia’s husband or wife. If she has the same character as her dad it will definitely not be boring”.
My friends noticed my openness and started a heated discussion. How could I even assume that one of my children could be gay?! I asked them – “Why not?”
I don’t have a problem with it, I am a heterosexual man and I need to add that I am 100% sure about that but homosexual relationships are nothing unusual. To top it all off once I was sharing flat with a gay friend, thanks to him I met a mother of my amazing children.
The discussion was mostly one-sided. My arguments about love, the way we are born, a desire to particular sex were meeting with homophobia and close-minded people. At the end, I asked: “What would you do if your child would be gay?” My friends didn’t want to even consider this possibility. Scary, isn’t it? One of the mothers said that it would break her heart, another currently loving father of an amazing girl said he will kick her out of the house and disinherit her. Another mother would accept it but she is not able to imagine Christmas together. Some of the people said, “We would have to somehow accept it”. Fuck me! Sorry for the strong language but it’s extremely sad! Well… I have to accept it.
Following this pattern I started to listen to opinions, epithets included in the conversations when around children. Children were playing close by, they were present, running around and as you know they could hear and see everything. Do you ever wonder what sort of judgmental opinions are you expressing while having kids around? Relationships between people of the same sex are the same as heterosexual. We are living in XXI century. We have medicine, biology, and chemistry on an advanced level. Being gay is not an illness. I can hear from far away people placing love of two men next to a pedophile. Not worth of wasting time on people like that.
Are you a parent who thinks and says loud that being homosexual is a disease? Those gay people should be treated, closed, beaten? That this is some sort of distortion, a sick twist?
Are you mature and loving parents that are repeating the same bullshits year by year when the Pride Parade is happening? When another person was beaten to death by heterosexual aggressors, fighters of “purity”. Are those standards and the only possible truth of yours reaching your children ears? What if your child will love someone of the same sex? What if your child will feel the desire to both sex? Or maybe to be transsexual?
Did you ever think what would cause constant listening threats towards people like he or she is, from a person who should be a role model? Most likely he will remember disgusts on your scornful face. Is in that correct?
I don’t want to say that everyone should accept homosexual couples as something totally usual. You can have a different opinion about it, but don’t feed your child with fear. Don’t make yourself look like a monster. Your son or daughter can be straight or gay, it’s not for you to choose how they feel and to who. You and your child are part of society. Do you have any gay friends? You’re probably not aware of it. Your children will have some in friend circle as well so please don’t raise a homophobe! Let your child discover the word and its values.
Give an example of being open-minded. Be sensitive when talking about topics like this even when you don’t agree with some things .When you have different believes or feelings. Wouldn’t it be better if you would just say – I don’t understand it, everyone has their own opinion but whatever you will feel or need ask me!
We can have different points of view same as we can love different sex or have a different skin color, right?
Pay attention to not feeding children with your fear and blind beliefs. We cannot allow ourselves to create a weird generation of people, racists, and homophobes. Be a mindful parent, there is a big chance that your child will be most afraid of his or her parents’ judgment. Isn’t that terrifying?
I will love and support my kids, no matter which sex they prefer, I will support them in discovering their sexuality or looking for what drives them or not and what can be natural for others or not. I did use word “natural” for a reason.
PS. I do know definitely that I am not gay! If you haven’t been drunk and kissing another man/women you will never know 😉